"You're absolutely right," said the beggar, obviously an old hand at the game." When I was blind, people kept giving me foreign coins."
"啊，可怜的人，"善良的老妇人惊叹道。"脚瘸就够惨的了，要是眼瞎就更糟了。"
"你说的一点儿没错，"那乞丐说。他显然是乞讨老手。"我眼瞎的时候，人们老是给我外币。"

"I'll venture an answer, " said an old lady. "We have worn them off sitting here so long.".
教进化论的老师已经滔滔不绝地讲了快两个小时，他的话题又来了：“让我向进化论者提个问题——如果我们曾经像狒狒那样长着尾巴，那么现在尾巴到哪里去了？”
“我来试试看，”一位老太太说。

　　The first inmate said, "God told me!"
　　Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did not!"
　　疯人院
　　一天晚上，在疯人院里，一个病人说："我是拿破仑！"另一个说："你怎么知道？"第一个人说："上帝对我说的！"一会儿，一个声音从另一个房间传来："我没说！"
　　Notes:
　　（1）Looney (俚语）疯子
　　（2）inmate（n.同住者,同室者(特指在医院、监狱)）
　　（3）insane asylum (疯人院）

　　"How do you make out that George Washington was the first man?" asked the teacher, smiling indulgently.
　　"Because, " said the little boy, "he was first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen."
　　But at this point a larger boy held up his hand.
　　"Well," said the teacher to him, "who do

A young businessman had just started his business, and rented a beautiful office. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear busy, the businessman picked up the phone and pretended that he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.
　　Finally, he hung up and asked the visitor.

　　Bill wasn't impressed, “Well, that's nothing. You know the Dead Sea ? My father's the one who killed it!”
　　谁的父亲更强壮
　　威尔和比尔在为谁的父亲更强壮而争吵。 威尔说： “ 喏，你知道太平洋吗？就是我爸爸为它挖的洞。”
　　比尔不屑一顾： “ 噢，那没什么。你知道死海吗？那是我爸爸杀死的。 ”

　　Mary: Of course he doesn't. Mom, it's part of the game we are playing. He is Daddy coming home late, and I'm you.
妈妈：玛丽，你为什么这样大喊大叫的？ 为什么不能像艾迪那样安安静静的玩儿呢？你看艾迪一声儿都不出。
玛丽：妈妈，艾迪当然不会出声了，因为我们俩正在玩爸爸回家迟到的游戏呢，他扮演爸爸，我扮演你。

　　"Yes." the man beside him answered. "She is my wife."
　　"Oh, I'm sorry." he said. "Of course her voice is not bad, but the song is too bad. I wonder who wrote that awful song."
　　"I did." said the man.
台上一个女士正在放声高歌，台下的一个听众跟他旁边的一个男人抱怨说，“这是什么嗓子啊？你知道她是谁吗？”
那个男人回答，“她是我老婆。”
“哦，抱歉，抱歉，我的意思是说她嗓子不差，就是曲子太难听了

收集的一些英文手机短信，或是搞笑或是充满了智慧： 搞笑短信

　　"You will get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant.
　　"No, no, no." said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years."
一个人来到警察局想和昨天潜入他家偷盗的贼聊聊，警察告诉他说，“你在法庭上会有这个机会的。”
“不，不，不”，这个人说，“我就是想知道他是如何做到潜入我家并且还能不惊醒我的老婆，我已经努力好多年了都没能做到这点。”

One witness rather tended to preface his replies with lengthy explanations．
“I want‘yes’or‘no，’”thundered counsel．
“There is no need for you to argue the point！”
“But there are some questions which cannot be answered by‘yes’or‘no，’”mildly responded the witness．
“There are not！” snapped the lawyer．

2、HE : Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.
3、HE : Can I buy you a drink?
SHE: Actually, I'd rather have

　　A buzzing noise followed.“What a man of actions！”one said in admiration.“How should we support him and learn from him！”said another.
Suddenly, a girl asked,“What did the Dean say to you, Hob?”
He bent and whispered to her,“Well,er???er???Miss Rose, er???he told me to get clean away from Oxford this very evening！”

When trees fall in love

I am tired.