"What a terrible voice!" he said. "Do you know who she is?"
"Yes," was the answer. "She is my wife."
"Oh, I beg your pardon." The man said, "Of course her voice is not bad, but the song is very bad. I wonder who wrote that awful song."
"I did." was the answer.
巧合
一位女士正在唱歌。一位客人转身对他旁边的男士批评道：
“多难听的嗓音！”他说，“你知道她是谁吗？”
“知道，”

"Money is no problem," the man said. "Can you get a brain for me ?"
"There are three available. The first was from a university professor, but it'll cost you $10,000."
"Don't worry, I can pay. What about the second?"
"It was from a rocket scientist. It'll cost you $100,000."
"I have the money. And I'd be a lot smarter too. But what

Nurse: No wonder the doctor who operated on you was looking for his watch everywhere just now.  
两颗心脏在跳动
护士：手术后你感觉怎样？
病人：十分好，只是我能感觉到我体内有两颗心脏在跳动。
护士：怪不得给你做手术的大夫刚才在到处寻找他的手表。 

Doubtful they could avoid ruining their clothes, the women locked the door, stripped naked and painted in nude. After about an hour they heard a knock at the door.
"Who is it?" asked one of the women.
"Blind man," came the reply."
Seeing no harm in letting a blind man in, they opened the door.
"Wow, what knockouts!" the

A Mistake
An American, a Scot and a Canadian were killed in a car accident. They arrived at the gates of heaven, where a flustered St. Peter explained that there had been a mistake. "Give me $500 each," he said, "and I'll return you to earth as if the whole thing never happened."
"Done!" said the American. Instantly, he

The World's Greatest Swordsman
At an exhibition of the world's best swordsman, the third-place fencer took the stage. A fly was released, and with an arc of his sword he cut the fly in half. The crowd cheered. Then the second-place man sliced a fly into quarters. A hush fell in anticipation of the wor

Raccoons
Part of my job at the state fish and wildlife department is to lend equipment to residents for trapping and relocating raccoons. A man who had been successful at capturing one of the animals called to ask whether raccoons mated for life. He said his daughter was worried that they might have separated a monogamous co

"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she says. "What's your secret for a long, happy life?"
"I smoke three packs a day, drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods and never, ever exercise."
"Wow, that's amazing," says the woman. "How old are you?"
"Twenty-six."
长寿秘诀
一位女士走向坐在门廊的椅子上摇动的小老头。

　　 A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!!" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "WITCH(女巫)!!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the midd

一个小男孩问他的爸爸，结婚要花多少钱？爸爸说：我不知道，因为我仍然在付帐。
NOTE
pay这个词不仅是付帐的意思，还有付出代价的意思，比如he must pay for what he did.他必须为他做的付出代价。

老师在黑板上写了一句：Time is money.并让同学们翻译。有名学生答道：“汤姆是玛丽。”
小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?
老师说：Go ahead.
小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?
老师说：Go ahead.
小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗？怎么不
去？
小明说：你没听老师说「去你个头」啊！
一对热恋中的男女。女生非常没有安全感，于是对着男友说：“SAY ‘I LOVE YOU!! ’SAY IT! SAY IT! SAY IT!”
男的答道：“IT!”

PAPPU : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America ?
CLASS : PAPPU!
老师：帕普，去地图前找到北美洲。
帕普：在这儿！
老师：正确。现在，大家告诉我，谁发现了美洲？
课堂：帕普！

A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"
一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢

Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "

　　以下几则特别的Answer体现了美国人的幽默，你能体会出其幽默所在吗？
1) My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.
2) Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial ai