"Two rides?" Said the aviation, "You have only had one!"
"No,"said the negro, "two. My first and my last."
第一次和最后一次
一个黑人乘飞机旅行。下飞机时，他对驾驶员说：“先生，谢谢你的这两次飞行。”
“两次飞行？”飞行员说：“你只坐了一次飞机啊！”
“不，”黑人说道，“两次，第一次和最后一次。”

写清楚些
汤姆：老师说我必须写清楚些。
约翰：这是个好主意。
汤姆:可是那样一来她就会知道有些单词我不能拼写正确了。

John: But,teacher, I am listening!
Teacher: If you were listening, tell me what I said.
John: You said,"John, why aren't you listening?"
约翰在听讲吗？
老师：约翰，你为什么不听讲？
约翰：可是老师，我正在听着呢？
老师：如果你刚才在听讲，告诉我我刚才说什么了？
约翰：您说：“约翰，你为什么不听讲？”

Doctor:What's wrong with you, boy?
Bob: Nothing. But I am afraid my Mum will get a headache when I give the school report to her.
止疼药
鲍勃：医生，能给我开点止疼药吗？
医生：孩子，你哪里不舒服啦？
鲍勃：没什么。不过，我怕等我把成绩单给我妈妈时，她会头疼的。

No Problem
A bald man took a seat in a beauty shop. "How can I help you?" asked the stylist. "I went for a hair transplant," the guy explained, "but I couldn't stand the pain. If you can make my hair look like yours without causing me any discomfort, I'll pay you $5,000."
"No problem," said the stylist, and he quickly shaved his

"What's the problem?" Asked the bartender. "You look so sad."
"My wife and I had a fight. She told me she wasn't going to talk to me for 30 days."
"That should make you happy!" said the bartender.
"It did," said the man. "But that was 29 days ago. Today is the last day."
今天是最后一天
一个男人坐在酒吧旁慢慢地喝着啤酒，显得十分忧郁。
“您有什么事儿吗？” 酒吧

Jonathan:   Nine, sir.
Teacher:    Nine?
Jonathan:   I've got one already, sir.
多少只兔子？
老师：好，乔纳森，假如我给你三只兔子，第二天我又给你五只，你一共有多少只兔子？
乔纳森：一共有九只，先生。
老师：九只？
乔纳森：先生，我本来就有一只。

Cheerfully, his friend pointed out that many people have to take tablets every day of their life. "Sure," came the reply, "but he only gave me ten."
他就要死了吗？
一个男人坐在酒吧里痛哭流泪。一个朋友走进来问他为何如此伤心。那人哭着说：“刚才医生告诉我，在我的余生里都要吃这些药片。”
他的朋友很轻松地指出，许多人一辈子每天都要吃药。“当然，”男人回答说：“但是他只给了我十片。”

Loath to disappoint the children, he was ready to climb the tree. But knowing that the mischievous youngsters would make off with his boots if he left them on the ground, he tied them to his waist-band before he started the climb.
"We'll take care of your boots for you!" the children chorused.
"No, thank you!" was he reply. "I am a busy m

One day when the landlord was chatting with his guests, a servant came in and gave him a letter which asked him to lend a cow. The landlord was afraid that   
his guests would know he was unable to read or write, so he opened the envelope and glanced over the words. Then he said to the servant, "OK, please tell him I'll go th

He wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, "For HEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!"
At 4 AM the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns.
Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to

Go Barefoot
In secondary school, I was always self-conscious about my height.
Once I was asked out by a life-guard. I had never really stood next to him and didn't know how tall he was, so the night of the date I took out two pairs of shoes-one with heels, one flat. I arranged with my brother to answer the door, compare his height wit

One day when womens dresses were on sale at the FarEast Department Store， a dignified middle-aged man decided to get his wife a piece. But he soon found himself being battered by frantic women. He stood it as long as he could; then， with head lowered and arms flailing， he plowed through the crowed. "You there!" challenge

"if experience is the issue here," the other attorney countered, "my client has been walking for over fifty years.
经验
　　“法官大人，”律师为被控的肇事司机辩护道：“被撞伤的人一定是自己不小心。我的当事人可是一个有着超过20年驾驶经验的司机。”
　　“如果经验可以算数的话，”控方律师反驳说：“我的当事人有超过50年走路的经验。”

Ashamed Soldier
Peter joined the army when he was eighteen, and for several months he was taught how to be a good soldier. He did quite well in everything except shooting. One day he and his friends were practicing their shooting, and all of them were doing quite well except Peter. After he had shot at the target nine times and had not h