To forgive may be divine1, but no one ever said it was easy. When someone has deeply hurt you, it can be extremely difficult to let go of your grudge2. But forgiveness is possible—and it can be surprisingly beneficial3 to your physical and mental health.
“People who forgive show less depression4, anger and stress and more hopefulness,” says Frederic Luskin, Ph.D., author of Forgive for Good (HarperCollins, 2002). “So it can help save on the wear and tear on our organs, reduce the wearing out of the immune5 system and allow people to feel more vital.”
So how do you start the healing? Try following these steps:
Calm yourself. To defuse6 your anger, try a simple stress-management technique. “Take a couple of breaths and think of something that gives you pleasure: a beautiful scene in nature, someone you love,” Luskin says.
Don’t wait for an apology. “Many times the person who hurt you has no intention of apologizing,” Luskin says. “They may have wanted to hurt you or they just don’t see things the same way. So if you wait for people to apologize, you could be waiting an awfully long time.” Keep in mind that forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation7 with the person who upset you or condoning8 of his or her action.
Take the control away from your offender. Mentally replaying your hurt gives power to the person who caused you pain. “Instead of focusing on your wounded feelings, learn to look for the love, beauty and kindness around you,” Luskin says.
Try to see things from the other person’s perspective9. If you empathize10 with that person, you may realize that he or she was acting out of ignorance, fear—even love. To gain perspective, you may want to write a letter to yourself from your offender’s point of view.
Recognize the benefits of forgiveness. Research has shown that people who forgive report more energy, better appetite11 and better sleep patterns.
Don’t forget to forgive yourself. “For some people, forgiving themselves is the biggest challenge,” Luskin says. “But it can rob you of your self-confidence if you don’t do it.”
From www.rd.com
[参考译文]
原谅的艺术
原谅是神圣的，但并不容易。当一个人受伤很深时，他难免会有所怨恨。但原谅也是可能的， 它对人的身心健康非常有益。
《原谅的好处》(HarperCollins, 2002)一文的作者Frederic Luskin博士曾说过：“原谅他人的人很少消沉，不容易发怒，压力减少并充满希望。原谅有助于减少生理消耗，增强免疫能力，让人充满活力。”
怎样才能学会原谅别人呢？做法如下：
保持冷静。为了避免发怒，尝试一个简单的压力处理法。Luskin 建议：“吸上几口气，想一想那些让你开心的事，如：美丽的风景，心爱的人。”
不要等候道歉。Luskin说：“在很多情况下，伤害你的人不会想着向你道歉，他们可能就是想伤害你或者他们对事情的看法与你大相径庭。所以如果你等别人向你道歉，很可能要很长时间。”记着，原谅并不必然意味着顺从让你心烦的人或是宽恕他（或她）的行为。
摆脱别人对你的控制。摆脱不了心理上的痛楚，就会使伤害你的人得寸进尺。Luskin说过：“一个人应该学会发现自己周围的真、善、美，而不应该仅仅盯着别人给你带来的伤害。”
站在别人的角度看问题。如果你能够为别人着想，你会意识到他（或她）可能是因为无知、害怕，甚至是爱才做出某一行为。为了更清楚地了解情况，你可以从对方的角度为自己写一封信。
认识到原谅的好处。研究表明，原谅他人的人精力更好，胃口不错，起居有序。
不要忘记原谅自己。Luskin说：“对有些人而言，最大的挑战是原谅自己。如果你做不到这一点，你很可能就会丧失自信。”
[注释]：
1. divine adj. 神圣的, 非凡的
2. grudge n.怨恨，妒忌
3. beneficial adj.有益的,有利的
4. depression n.沮丧, 消沉
5. immune adj.免疫的
6. defuse vt.去掉，缓和
7. reconciliation n.和解, 顺从
8. condone vt.宽恕, 赦免
9. perspective n. 观点, 看法
10. empathize v.移情，同情
11. appetite n.食欲, 胃口
