1)
A teacher asked one of his students:" What is the longest and what is the shortest?" The student answered immediately:" The last several minutes of a class is the longest, while the last several minutes of an exam is the shortest."
2)
The teacher asked Tom: "Why did you come to school so late this morning?" "Someone lost one yuan." Answered Tom. "Oh, now I know, you helped him find the money," the teacher said. "No, I stood on the money until the person went away," was Tom's reply.
3)
Teacher: David,why don't you wash your face? I can see what you had for breakfast this morning?
David: What was it ?
Teacher: Eggs.
David: Wrong, teacher. That was yesterday.
4)
One day, the teacher inquired Peter: " How much is four minus four?" Peter was tongue-tired. The teacher got angry and said: "What a fool! You see, if I put four coins in your pocket, but there is a hole in your pocket and all of them leak out, now what is left in your pocket?" "The hole," replied Peter.
5)
Jenny: (is crying and says to teacher) I hate school, and I have to stay here until I'm sixteen.
Teacher: I know how you feel -- and I have to stay here until I'm sixty.
6)
Teacher: Johnny, why are you late for school every morning?
Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a guidepost says, 'School -- Go Slow'.
7)
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
8)
Teacher: How come you do not comb your hair?
Sam: No comb, sir.
Teacher: Use your dad's then.
Sam: No hair, sir.
9)
Teacher: What's the chemical formula for water?
Sam: "HIJKLMNO".
Teacher: What?!
Sam: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
10)
Teacher: Sam, give me a sentence starting with "I".
Sam: I is .....
Teacher: No, Sam, always say "I am ...."
Sam: Alright ... umm ... "I am the 9th letter of the 26 alphabets"
11)
Teacher: If I have 7 oranges in one hand and 8 on the other, what would I have?
Class: Big Hands!!!
12)
Teacher: Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.
13)
Teacher: Jack, why aren't you listening?
Jack: But, teacher, I'm listening.
Teacher: If you were listening, tell me what I said just now.
Jack: You said, "Jack, why aren't you listening?"
Teacher: Mike, you're always asking your father to do your homework instead, and again this time.....
Mike: Pardon, sir, this time at first I would not let him do it, but mother was too busy.
Billy and his brother Davy were in the same class. The teacher assigned them to write a composition "My Mother". Davy wrote one and Billy just copied it.
On the next day the teacher asked Billy, "How is it that your composition is exactly the same with Davy's?"
"we have the same mother, don't we?" replied Billy.
Student A: When do people talk least?
Student B: In February.
Student A: Why?
Student B: Because February is the shortest month of a year.
The Reason of Being Late
The teacher asked Tom: "Why did you come to school so late this morning?"
"Someone lost one yuan." Answered Tom.
"Oh, now I know, you helped him find the money," the teacher said.
"No, I stood on the money until the person went away," was Tom's reply.
