"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington advises, and then fades away
The next night, Bush is astir again, and sees the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moving through the darkened bedroom. Bush calls out, "Tom, please! What is the best thing I can do to help the country?"
"Respect the Constitution, as I

“Oh, I'll let my husband, Jacob, know as soon as I get home,” responded the Amish lady.
“That's fine. Another thing, ma'am. I don't like the way that one rein loops across the horse's back and around one of his balls. I consider that animal abuse. Have your husband take care of that right away!” instructed the cop.
Later th

Two janitors outside heard the teacher and one said to the other, ''Jeez, she better stop telling the kids about her mental problems!''

The guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?"
"Sand," answered Juan.
The guard says, "We'll just see about that get off the bike." The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand.
He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Tim

The minister got a brilliant idea. He bought a book about hypnosis, and read it from cover to cover. At the next service, he took out a watch and chain, swung it back and forth, and lulled the congregation into a hypnotic trance. He said, "I want everybody to walk down the aisle and put $20 in the plate."
They did, and he had the churc

After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she came to the conclusion that the quickest and surest method would be to shoot herself through the heart. The trouble was, she wasn't certain about exactly where her heart was, so she phoned her doctor and asked him. He told her that her heart was located two inches below her left

Math Trouble   
    A little girl was failing math. Her mother enrolled her in Catholic school in the hopes to improve her math grades. During the first marking period, her mother noticed a dramatic improvement in her math studies. The girl would refuse playing with friends and eating dessert after

Snail Heads for the Daytona Tracks   
    There was this snail who wanted to be a Formula One racing driver. He went along to the track and asked if he could drive. The racing team manager said, “Yes, but you can't have a number on your car, you can only have an 'S' because you are a snail.”

    He smelled some pastries, so he bought some donuts.
    Then he walked passed a fish market, took a hard sniff, and said, "Hello ladies!"

Susie, still crying, said, "What would God want with a dead dog?"

To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing." Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into the world.
"Whoa there Scotty!" said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down... I think there's yet another wee one to come." Sure enough, within

    Our daughter was filling us in on her date the night before. They had driven to a neighboring city for dinner and a show. When her father asked her where the restaurant was located, she said, "You know, I really can\\\'t tell you. I was enjoying the ride, the company and the scenery, and all of a sudden we were there."

      Kevin: Please sir, I bruised two fingers knocking in a nail at home.
      Teacher: I don\\\'t see any bandages.
      Kevin: Oh, they weren\\\'t my fingers! I told my little sister to hold the nail.
老师：凯温，这次你怎么又迟到了？
凯温：对不起，老师，我在家钉钉子，砸坏了两个手指头。
老

The shopkeeper says,"No, my dog does not bite."
Then the woman bends down and tries to touch the dog. the dog bites her.
" Ouch!" she crys, "You said your dog did not bite."
The shopkeeper replies, "That is not my dog."
那不是我的狗
一位女士走进一家宠物店，看见一只很可爱的小狗．她问店主："你的狗咬人吗?"
店主说:"不, 我的狗不咬人."
于是这