TWO HEARTS BEATING
Nurse: How do you feel after your operation?
Patient: Quite alright, only I can feel two hearts beating inside me.
Nurse: No wonder the doctor who operated on you was looking for his watch everywhere just now.
两颗心脏在跳动
护士：手术后你感觉怎样？
病人：十分好，只是我能感觉到我体内有两颗心脏在跳动。
护士：怪不得给你做手术的大夫刚才在到处寻找他的手表。
2.
AN ANGRY WIFE'S PRAYER
A man is so addicted to gambling that he often comes home late. His wife never stops railing at him. Once he is detained at his office and comes home late. His wife accuses him of gambling again but he swears he was detained in his office. "I pray to God that you are speaking the truth", his wife says.
"May God strike me dead if I am lying."
"Then I pray to God that you are lying", his wife said hopefully.
一个发怒妻子的祈祷
一个男人因嗜赌而经常回家很晚，为此他妻子从没停止过骂他。一次他因工作很晚回到家后，他妻子指责他又去赌博了，可他发誓说这次是因为工作。"我祈祷上帝你说的是实话，"妻子说。
"如果我说谎上帝便赐我于死。"
"那我祈祷上帝你是在说谎。"他妻子充满希望地说。
3.
SHE'D RATHER BUY A GIFT
While on a trip, Mom realized that she had forgotten a present for Dad's birthday. "That's okay," he said, "The only thing I want is for you to love, honor and obey." Mom pondered that idea and then replied "I'd rather buy you a gift."
她宁愿买一件礼物
旅途中，妈妈想起她忘记给爸爸买一件生日礼物。"没关系，"他说，"我最想要的东西是你的爱、忠贞和温顺。"妈妈沉思片刻后回答说，"我宁愿给你买一件礼物。"
4.
ONLY A FEW WORDS
At a court the judge is interrogating a mugger but gets into difficulty because the mugger is a foreigner who doesn't speak English. "Don't you speak English at all?" the judge asks. "Only a few words," replies the mugger.
"What words do you know?"
"Your purse or your life!"
几个英语词
法庭上法官正审问一个抢劫犯，由于该犯是一个不会说英语的外国人，审问很困难。"你一点英语都不会说吗？"法官问。"我只会说几个词。"抢劫犯回答。
"你会说哪几个词？"
"你是要钱还是要命！"
